love

Solomon's friend with a new boyfriend: (By the way, I have recently acquired a gentleman friend...)

Solomon: hooray tell me about him

SFWANBF: I don't know that he's really hot, but I think he's okay

Solomon: wow, you're REALLY into him

trial (#3)

an instant message dialogue:

Solomon: so...

J: Buttones?

Solomon: ...when you gonna let me tap that?

J: Tap what?

Solomon: that ASS, baby

J: Ummm well

J: You'll have to pay [boyfriend's name]

Solomon: how much are we talking about?

J: 2000K

Solomon: I'm not really into paying for it.

Solomon: can i at least get a discount if we let him watch?

J: Nah that costs extra

Solomon: ok...this is discouraging...

Solomon: ...but you're not telling me "no"

J: LOL

J: Right

Solomon: so i count that as a win

trial (#2)

a text message dialogue:

Solomon: Hey quick question... When you gonna let me tap that?

M: You must be bored. Btwn best buy lied to me!

Solomon: How'd they lie

M: Said warranty or whatever covered loss. Lies!

Solomon: You'll forget all your warranty problems as soon as you let me get a crack at that fine ass of yours.

M: This game is lame. I prefer monopoly. I heard about some equally lame fb activity.

Solomon: Why do you always ruin my fun?

M: Ha i got a two for one jamba juice coupon you in?

Solomon: Sure. Soon as you let me tap that. (this game isn't over yet)

M: Ugh so boring. You're not even using new lines. Your game is WEAK

Solomon: Ok so I'm gonna put you down as a "yes"

M: This is a list? I'm not even special? No carnal treasure for you

M: Fail

note to self for future reference: The correct response in this case would have been, "Why would you want Jamba Juice when I'm offering you my man juice?"

trial (#1)

a text message dialogue:

Solomon: Yo baby, when you gonna let me get up in them guts?

A: Haha. I am amused :D I have no witty rejoinders for u. Is dat a werd, yo?

implication

Today I came home from work and walked into the living room to find my roommate passed out on the couch with a movie on the television and homo-cuddling with his boyfriend. I thought it was the most adorable thing I'd ever seen in my entire life. Does that make me a fag too?

potential

Dan and I comanage a fantasy baseball team...

Solomon: Hey, we need to do something about our catcher. Shoppach's not getting any playing time.
Dan: Yeah, let's keep an eye on Matt Wieters and maybe snag him when he comes up. I heard this guy's supposed to be like the next Barack Obama.

If you enjoyed reading this, please consider making a charitable contribution to Ride For World Health by clicking this sentence.

...and keep up with Dan's ride by reading his blog...

injury

Dan: I don't ever feel pain when i scrub my atb

Solomon: then you're not scrubbing it hard enough

Before I left to spend a few days in Ohio, I noticed that I had about quarter of a gallon of milk left (or roughly 946 ml, for my metric-system-using friends). I knew it'd spoil by the time I got back and I didn't want it to go to waste, so I chugged it, knowing that I'm somewhat lactose intolerant and that I was getting ready to spend about 11 hours driving.

Needless to say, I had to stop four or five times along the way to take shit breaks.

I had to push really hard to try to get anything out, but I mostly just sat there farting. I pushed so hard, that I started to feel tension in my left hamstring and I started to laugh because it made me wonder if anybody's ever pulled a hammy from overworking their sphincter.

If you enjoyed reading this, please consider making a charitable contribution to Ride For World Health by clicking this sentence.

...and keep up with Dan's ride by reading his blog...