I've decided that I'm going to get after that girl...
...but not before a litmus test.
I'm optimistic that she'll pass it, but I need to know for sure. If she does, no more games after that.
Denouement and catharsis to come...
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Thursday, August 14, 2008
rationalization
I was about 30 minutes early for dinner with my parents at a restaurant tonight, so I looked for a diversion and the only thing around was a drug store. Every trip to a drug store until today has strictly been out of necessity and has therefore been quick and brainless. I don't enter a drug store with the intent to "shop." Instead, I go in to "buy things." There's a difference.
When you're at a drug store in the interest of passing time, you really start to reach for things to find fascinating or useful. What caught my eye was the Schick Intuition Plus, a women's razor. What makes the Intuition a unique product is that the blade cartridge is embedded in a bar of moisturizer and the idea is that you wet it and then as you shave, it lathers and moisturizes without any extra effort on your part--a perfect product for someone as outstandingly lazy as I am.
...Or it WOULD be perfect if I were a pretty lady. Of course I am neither pretty nor a lady, so I told myself that it wasn't for me. Something about it was too alluring for me to just walk away from it, though, so I stood there staring at it and trying to come up with a reason to buy it. Finally it occurred to me that this would probably be awesome for shaving my head with. It's meant for a pretty lady with delicate skin, and my scalp, I think, is about as sensitive as skin gets. This would get the job done without the normal irritation that I experience while simultaneously making my dome smell like delicious milk and honey. Plus it was on sale for $9.99 and came with a sample of some skin moisturizing product that claims to smooth and soften underarms in five days. I was sold.
The head-shaving experience wasn't as great as I'd hoped. The built-in bar of soap proved to be problematic in a couple of ways. It was too bulky, so it felt clumsy and kept me from being able to get to the spots behind my ears. It also ran down my head and into my eyes and I haven't been able to stop crying since. Besides that, it just didn't cut the hairs as close to the scalp as a razor should, so I ended up having to go over the whole thing again with my Gillette Fusion Power (a MAN'S razor).
So the Schick Intuition Plus is NOT awesome for shaving my head with...a $10 lesson that I sincerely hope this blog entry will be effective in passing on to someone else. If even one person is thinking about buying it to use on his or her scalp and ends up not doing it because of what they've read here, then my time, effort, money, and irritated eyes and skin will not have been in vain.
When you're at a drug store in the interest of passing time, you really start to reach for things to find fascinating or useful. What caught my eye was the Schick Intuition Plus, a women's razor. What makes the Intuition a unique product is that the blade cartridge is embedded in a bar of moisturizer and the idea is that you wet it and then as you shave, it lathers and moisturizes without any extra effort on your part--a perfect product for someone as outstandingly lazy as I am.
...Or it WOULD be perfect if I were a pretty lady. Of course I am neither pretty nor a lady, so I told myself that it wasn't for me. Something about it was too alluring for me to just walk away from it, though, so I stood there staring at it and trying to come up with a reason to buy it. Finally it occurred to me that this would probably be awesome for shaving my head with. It's meant for a pretty lady with delicate skin, and my scalp, I think, is about as sensitive as skin gets. This would get the job done without the normal irritation that I experience while simultaneously making my dome smell like delicious milk and honey. Plus it was on sale for $9.99 and came with a sample of some skin moisturizing product that claims to smooth and soften underarms in five days. I was sold.
The head-shaving experience wasn't as great as I'd hoped. The built-in bar of soap proved to be problematic in a couple of ways. It was too bulky, so it felt clumsy and kept me from being able to get to the spots behind my ears. It also ran down my head and into my eyes and I haven't been able to stop crying since. Besides that, it just didn't cut the hairs as close to the scalp as a razor should, so I ended up having to go over the whole thing again with my Gillette Fusion Power (a MAN'S razor).
So the Schick Intuition Plus is NOT awesome for shaving my head with...a $10 lesson that I sincerely hope this blog entry will be effective in passing on to someone else. If even one person is thinking about buying it to use on his or her scalp and ends up not doing it because of what they've read here, then my time, effort, money, and irritated eyes and skin will not have been in vain.
Monday, August 11, 2008
lady
copied and pasted from Wikipedia:
In 2007, based on statistics from 18 dancers over 60 days, it was noted that female lap dancers earned the highest tips around the time of ovulation, during the most fertile period of their menstrual cycle, and the lowest tips during menstruation; the average difference in earning between these two times amounted to about $30 per hour.
...I don't know enough about lady issues to understand how this even makes sense. Would someone please enlighten me?
In 2007, based on statistics from 18 dancers over 60 days, it was noted that female lap dancers earned the highest tips around the time of ovulation, during the most fertile period of their menstrual cycle, and the lowest tips during menstruation; the average difference in earning between these two times amounted to about $30 per hour.
...I don't know enough about lady issues to understand how this even makes sense. Would someone please enlighten me?
Thursday, August 7, 2008
reversal
I really like that you guys are using my comments section as a chat room.
My trip to San Diego was great. My cousin's wedding was beautiful and I got to visit another major league ballpark. I also had a chance to catch up with Bryan during our long-awaited Lebowski-themed evening. We went to a liquor store to get the Kahlua we needed for our Caucasians (i.e. "White Russians" for those of you who haven't seen the movie) and I was wearing my blowjob face t-shirt, which the Mexican clerk noticed while we were checking out...
Mexican Clerk: (pointing at Solomon's shirt) That's you, isn't it?
Solomon: Yes, it is.
MC: It looks like you ate something sour.
S: Yeah, I guess it does, but that's not what was going on in this picture.
MC: Then what are you doing?
[a contemplative comes across Solomon's face as he tries to decide whether or not he is in the mood to explain his BJ face to a perfect stranger who doesn't speak English very well]
S: It's actually my blow job face.
MC: You do that?
S: No, I've never actually sucked a penis before, but if I did, this is what I think my face would look like. I guess this is sort of a conceptual art piece.
MC: Did he like it?
S: Uh...No, you don't understand, it's more of a theoretical idea.
MC: But did he like it?
S: Uh...I guess if you're talking about the theoretical guy that I fellated then...I don't know, I guess I hadn't really thought this through before.
MC: So, he like it, yeah?
S: Yeah.
My trip to San Diego was great. My cousin's wedding was beautiful and I got to visit another major league ballpark. I also had a chance to catch up with Bryan during our long-awaited Lebowski-themed evening. We went to a liquor store to get the Kahlua we needed for our Caucasians (i.e. "White Russians" for those of you who haven't seen the movie) and I was wearing my blowjob face t-shirt, which the Mexican clerk noticed while we were checking out...
Mexican Clerk: (pointing at Solomon's shirt) That's you, isn't it?
Solomon: Yes, it is.
MC: It looks like you ate something sour.
S: Yeah, I guess it does, but that's not what was going on in this picture.
MC: Then what are you doing?
[a contemplative comes across Solomon's face as he tries to decide whether or not he is in the mood to explain his BJ face to a perfect stranger who doesn't speak English very well]
S: It's actually my blow job face.
MC: You do that?
S: No, I've never actually sucked a penis before, but if I did, this is what I think my face would look like. I guess this is sort of a conceptual art piece.
MC: Did he like it?
S: Uh...No, you don't understand, it's more of a theoretical idea.
MC: But did he like it?
S: Uh...I guess if you're talking about the theoretical guy that I fellated then...I don't know, I guess I hadn't really thought this through before.
MC: So, he like it, yeah?
S: Yeah.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
