intellect

I realized something watching NASCAR this past weekend. The cars never run well. They run "good." For such a science-geeky sport, where a piece of tape on the chassis can make the difference between a car that runs "good" and one that doesn't, these guys come off alarmingly dull.

Then later, I went to one of those nude webcam sites. If you've never tried one before, it's dirty and fucked up and awesome. It's basically e-prostitution. You can pay these girls a few dollars per minute and they'll do whatever you ask and stick anything in any orifice in front of their webcam. You're really only limited by the tautness of the orifice, the size of the object, and your imagination. But I ended up paying this girl like $30 to do a sudoku puzzle nude. I even had her hold the finished puzzle up to her webcam so that I could check her work, and it looked correct. Apparently this girl can blow your mind too. Get it?

Isn't it amazing? Things that, on the surface, seem like they ought to appeal to smart people, like NASCAR, are just another part of a grand-scale intellectual wasteland, that also includes college and corporate America, while the girl who makes a living by professionally blowing out her pussy can do more to stimulate your mind.

scare

As I was shaving my nipples this morning, I thought I felt a lump. Is it possible for men to get breast cancer?

addendum

I've come up with some more rules for wishing upon an iceberg (see "benevolence" from May 11, 2008)...

• The wish only has a chance of coming true if it is a selfless one--I wished for a shetland pony and didn't get it because I wanted it for myself. On the other hand, all the mothers I know reported having a wonderful Mothers Day.
• The deadline for a wish to come true comes when you drop your next iceberg. And you can't wish for the same thing you wished for last time--that's a cop out. If you really want it that badly, it probably didn't come true because deep down you know it's a selfish wish.
• The only time a selfish wish is a valid one is if the iceberg is also an ace. An ace, for those of you who might not know, is a dump where you wipe your ass, but the paper is perfectly clean.