prerequisites

The Official Sol's Friendship Prerequisite Required Movie Viewing List

1. Ghost World
2. The Big Lebowski
3. Almost Famous
4. Office Space
5. The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
6. Serendipity
7. Amelie
8. Lost In Translation
9. Napoleon Dynamite
10. Juno

truth

Did you ever notice that when Balki and Larry did the dance of joy, the words to the supplementary song are "die die die die diedie die diediedie"? That's not joyful at all. It's hard to believe that this detail escaped me for so many years before Perfect Strangers was released on DVD. I think I had perceived it as "da da da da dada da dadada" before then, which is why I'm only now bringing it up. This kinda fucks up my universe, but I guess that's the type of unadulterated truth you risk subjecting yourself to in exchange for enjoying digitally remastered audio.

We just got more domestic help in the house. She's not the greatest cook. Which is just as well, I suppose, because she only cooks enough food for about two people anyway. And even if we got around those problems, there's still the one of her being Chinese, and if you didn't already know, Chinese people eat some crazy crap. It's completely retarded, and by "retarded" I mean "Down syndromed," NOT that she "can do ANYTHING." Sue, if you're reading this, please move back into the house.

redundancy

I was at a cafeteria. Standing next to the napkins and plastic flatware was a container of "tomato ketchup."

Is there any other kind of ketchup?

That was a very Seinfeldian moment for me... What's the deal with that?

The times, they sure are a-changin'... Last night, I spent the better part of an hour on the phone with Microsoft Indian technical support diagnosing my Xbox 360 and arranging to have it shipped out for service. (Sorry, DK, no Xbox Live dates for a little while. Apparently, even my Xbox needs time and treatment in order to recover from your shame from when you ran away from my challenge like a gutless punk.) They told me that the video card needs to be fixed or replaced. The VIDEO CARD. Back when console games didn't require discrete graphics cards, it used to be that "technical support" entailed blowing on the contacts in the system and/or cartridge. High level tech support guys like Dan and Peter taught me high level tech support troubleshooting techniques like jamming a second cartridge in above the first, blowing under the removable panel underneath the system, and the "edge-snap" trick. These remedies were used in REALLY desperate situations, but you never had to ship things to the manufacturer.

I think I must be going through some sort of weird quarter life crisis. I'm finding myself pining after simpler times a lot lately. Life really seemed to move slowly back when I played Nintendo, read Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles comics, watched Animaniacs, and didn't worry about the things that I worry about now.

correlation

I watched the Cavaliers play the Hawks after the trade show ended on Saturday, and it was amazing how distinctively Southern an experience that Atlanta was able to make something as upper-middle class as an NBA game. The pregame and halftime entertainment was a step show performed by a bunch of little kids and the national anthem was performed by a children's choir with a children's drum line. I wouldn't say that any of the kids were rhythmically challenged, but they were still little kids, and the quality of the performances was what you would have expected from them.

I'm not going to come out and say anything explicitly about black people and the stereotypes associated with them, but the audience was probably 70% black, and it was going off, cheering for these kids. This was like the kind of cheering you hear when the t-shirt cannon comes out, and the crowd goes nuts, basically whoring themselves out by feigning enthusiasm for a chance at a free t-shirt.

Speaking of that, I had the privilege of witnessing that kind of prideless, greed-induced enthusiasm at the trade show today. The FHI Heat booth has a stage, on which shows and demonstrations are performed, and we were tossing out free t-shirts and hair clips--items that cost us less than $2 apiece. What is it about free shit that turns people into complete prostitutes? This crowd was probably composed of the same people I saw at college who would go to ANY club recruitment meeting if the flier for it advertised free pizza.

expectations

misnomer

Last night I saw There Will Be Blood. Here's an excerpt of the review I gave Donna today, which I thought was funny...

Solomon: there wasn't much blood though, so the title was a bit misleading...
Solomon: it's like a 2.5 hour movie and almost the whole time there's no blood...just oil.

Solomon: and i'm sitting there thinking, "wtf, i was promised blood. where's the blood?"

Solomon: and i had to keep calming myself down by saying, "relax, sol. there will be blood."

self

Some of the people who read this blog are new friends who don't know me that well, so here are a few Solomon fun facts...

• I love technology, but have been known to keep it real from time to time by watching a movie from my VHS collection of 50+. My favorite movie of all time is Ghost World, but my favorite one from my VHS collection is Problem Child. John Ritter, as you may have heard, is sex on a stick. ...Or he used to be before he died.
  
• I have a budding interest in NASCAR ever since attending my first race last March at Atlanta Motor Speedway. My favorite driver is Juan Pablo Montoya (#42 Havoline Dodge) because he's the closest thing to a person of Asian descent in the Cup Series (which is to say that he's not white), so I feel like I can identify with him.
  
• I have a cleaner taint and doodie hole than you and everyone you know. I spend several minutes a day in the shower, scrubbing those areas with antibacterial body wash and a bath sponge that is separate from the one I use on the rest of my body.
• My favorite color is yellow. My second favorite color is brown, which, incidentally, is the same color as my taint sponge, which used to be bright white.
• The first alcoholic beverage I ever consumed was a glass of red wine on my 21st birthday. Last weekend, I downed eight shots of tequila (that I can remember) in about 30 minutes to make up for all the drinking that I didn't do in the first 20 years of my life.
• In 1998, I was the state internet-surfing gold medalist. Today, I am still a high-level internet user and can quickly find any type of porn that exists, no matter how niche.
  

burst

I liked this song way better when I thought it was an original by that pasty kid who was all over the internet with his bomb.com dancing skills.


A coworker quit this past week with no notice and without having given any indication (at least not to me) that she'd been unhappy at her job. This normally wouldn't be a big deal to me except that she was basically in the same position that I am. Neither of us was particularly inclined toward the beauty industry, the jobs just sort of fell into our laps, and our responsibilities were largely similar. The only difference is that she was the beneficiary of favoritism and I was the beneficiary of nepotism.

...That last sentence might seem like a poor attempt at a joke (and it is), but truthfully, that's where the problem lies. She had no family ties and therefore had no qualms about just picking up and leaving. I can't do that. It's like a bad relationship (or so I hear) that you just smile and nod through, but on the inside, you can't wait for something better to come along so you can get out. I've already been told that they want me to be the new in-house IT guy after the new software is implemented. At this stage, we haven't even technically made the decision of which software package to buy. Once we do, it'll be three to four months to get it up and running. Figure another year to really learn it and get it all down and then another six to eight months to hire and train my replacement. So right off the bat, I'm stuck in this for at least two more years.