potential

Dan and I comanage a fantasy baseball team...

Solomon: Hey, we need to do something about our catcher. Shoppach's not getting any playing time.
Dan: Yeah, let's keep an eye on Matt Wieters and maybe snag him when he comes up. I heard this guy's supposed to be like the next Barack Obama.

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injury

Dan: I don't ever feel pain when i scrub my atb

Solomon: then you're not scrubbing it hard enough

Before I left to spend a few days in Ohio, I noticed that I had about quarter of a gallon of milk left (or roughly 946 ml, for my metric-system-using friends). I knew it'd spoil by the time I got back and I didn't want it to go to waste, so I chugged it, knowing that I'm somewhat lactose intolerant and that I was getting ready to spend about 11 hours driving.

Needless to say, I had to stop four or five times along the way to take shit breaks.

I had to push really hard to try to get anything out, but I mostly just sat there farting. I pushed so hard, that I started to feel tension in my left hamstring and I started to laugh because it made me wonder if anybody's ever pulled a hammy from overworking their sphincter.

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cost

Today I scrubbed my ass, taint and balls with an exfoliant and I would definitely NOT recommend it. Don't get me wrong, it's nice to have this region of your body cleaned, exfoliated and smelling like oranges, but for how few people actually ever have a face-to-face encounter with my ATB, it's not worth the trouble or pain.

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restraint

Living in a region where nobody understands my sense of humor has taught me to recognize situations when I shouldn't speak my mind or even shut my mouth altogether. One of my coworkers showed up with a new, fucked-up weave that's not a good look for her, and for those of you who know anything about black hair trends, it goes without saying that it's nowhere near her natural hair color or texture either.

She came up to me and asked how it looked. What I WANTED to say was, "I can see your tracks. Whoever glued it on forgot to do that little part right there between your bald spot and the vitiligo."

Instead I said, "It looks nice. I like it."

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greatness

I'm watching NCAA women's bowling on ESPN2 and am very discouraged to see how grim the future of women's professional bowling is. Not only do these girls lack power, but they have the ugliest, off-axis swings too.

But watching competition like this makes you appreciate the truly magnificent athletes like Michelle Feldman even more and you quickly realize how few and far between they are.

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attraction

Solomon: you're into the dudes that are a bit more aloof?
Joyce: not aloof, necessarily. but independent
Joyce: and got an edge - cynical, sarcastic
Joyce: i don't do nice
Solomon: i think most girls don't do nice
Solomon: if they did, i'd be knee deep in bitches
Joyce: what are you talking about, you're a complete asshole
Solomon: what are YOU talking about?? i'm a SWEETHEART.
Solomon: ladies over age 60 are into me
Joyce: what do you do with that?
Solomon: i hit it then i quit it.

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...and keep up with Dan's ride by reading his blog...