trial (#3)

an instant message dialogue:

Solomon: so...

J: Buttones?

Solomon: ...when you gonna let me tap that?

J: Tap what?

Solomon: that ASS, baby

J: Ummm well

J: You'll have to pay [boyfriend's name]

Solomon: how much are we talking about?

J: 2000K

Solomon: I'm not really into paying for it.

Solomon: can i at least get a discount if we let him watch?

J: Nah that costs extra

Solomon: ok...this is discouraging...

Solomon: ...but you're not telling me "no"

J: LOL

J: Right

Solomon: so i count that as a win

trial (#2)

a text message dialogue:

Solomon: Hey quick question... When you gonna let me tap that?

M: You must be bored. Btwn best buy lied to me!

Solomon: How'd they lie

M: Said warranty or whatever covered loss. Lies!

Solomon: You'll forget all your warranty problems as soon as you let me get a crack at that fine ass of yours.

M: This game is lame. I prefer monopoly. I heard about some equally lame fb activity.

Solomon: Why do you always ruin my fun?

M: Ha i got a two for one jamba juice coupon you in?

Solomon: Sure. Soon as you let me tap that. (this game isn't over yet)

M: Ugh so boring. You're not even using new lines. Your game is WEAK

Solomon: Ok so I'm gonna put you down as a "yes"

M: This is a list? I'm not even special? No carnal treasure for you

M: Fail

note to self for future reference: The correct response in this case would have been, "Why would you want Jamba Juice when I'm offering you my man juice?"