Solomon's Trip to New York: By the Numbers
1: number of penises I inadvertently touched that weren't mine
2: number of subway tunnel rats seen
3: number of distinct colors of turds that I dropped in one sitting
4: number of gay hobos I've seen making out in the middle of the street (note: This was two pairs of gay hobos, not four gay hobos engaging in a quadruple kiss.)
5: slices of New York style pizza I've consumed
6: number of times I had my ass grabbed or smacked by a drunken bachelorette party
10: estimated square footage covered by puke from this dude I saw spewing projectile vomit all over the street
15: minutes I spent carefully manicuring my pubic hair with a razor at a Korean bathhouse in full view of a bunch of naked dudes
...You don't realize until you break it down, just how different New York is from Cleveland.
2 comments:
New York sounds really GAY
are there such things and non-gay bathhouses? what's the number of penises you advertently touched in NY? you left that off your list...
is it the colored turd thing that differentiates Cleveland from New York? i bet it's the turds.
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